Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Victoria's Secret Model I am Not


Some people call them sweats, others jogging or exercise clothes, my brother Bean calls them quitters. Whatever you call them, that's what I wore to Victorias Secret on day a few weeks ago. I stay home with kids, comfort is the most important thing for me. We, my fam and I, decided to draw names for Christmas this year. I got my sister Diva. This past spring Diva was in a near deadly car accident and the paramedics cut her panties off of her. (Also the rest of her clothes, not just the panties.) I remembered her saying how she loved that pair and so I hatched this plan to go to the mall, mostly uncharted territory for me, and get her panties, at Victoria's Secret, VERY uncharted territory for me.
It was snowing the day Tiny, Man Child, and Grumpy went to the mall with me. They were all so happy to be there. Upon finding V.S. I took a deep breath and pushed the cadillac of double strollers with a 4 year old hanging on the side into the pink frilly depths. I don't think we had brushed Grumpy's hair that day and she was in rare form. A make up wearing, perfumed, and shall we say, a little well-dressed for my taste, woman came up and asked if she could help me. I give this woman credit, she didn't ask if she could help me find the store that might have big fat chick granny panties, she restrained herself. I feel like everyone in the store is looking at me as I spit out something about needing the panties Fergie wore in her video. They are all staring at me but not because of that, baby boy has taken off his shoes and socks and thrown them while I was talking. This kind woman looks confused and says she doesn't know what those are, but she is just over perfume, lotion and gift sets. She sends me to their "panty girl". Panty Girl is actually really nice and directs me to the panties. She shows me tons of them. I am not enjoying this much partly because I am not a panty sort of girl and also because Baby Boy is throwing his shoes repeatedly and Grumpy is tired of getting them for him. After what seems to be an eternity I find 3 pairs, there was a special, and a cute bag, I get in line. It is about 15 miles long. They put all this cute pink tissue in that bag, and as she carefully is folding the tiny scraps of cloth Diva will love, the cashier says, "I love this panty, it is so comfy" . Had I been thinking I might have asked why she was trying on my sisters future panties but I wasn't feeling very quick right then. Also it might have confused her. The four of us left V.S. with very little dignity and went off to Penneys to get Prince Charming underwear. That was much easier. I guess lots of middle aged fatties buy their husbands underwear at Penneys, no one asked if I needed help anyway.
We'll leave it at this, I an not a foo-foo sort of girl. And that's okay. Diva is exactly what her name implies and she loved the panties!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

None

Today should prove to be a fun day, the kids and I are going to the planetarium with my mom, sister and nephews, and Prince not-so-Charming is working all day. Does this mean the complaining won't really get started til midnight? Probably.
At the moment, 2 kids are sleeping, 1 is tubbing, one stinks and 1 needs feeding. I guess I better get busy so I don't fail everyone all day, I can at least fix the stinking and hungry.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Christmas Vacation??? For WHO????

Have any of you seen the movie Christmas Vacation? I am going to assume that most everyone has. Remember the part where Clark, (Chevy Chase), gets his chainsaw in order to cut down the tree in their yard because his tree was burned down while in his living room? And as he is walking down the stairs he wiggles the newel post, takes out his chainsaw and saws it off? In that moment, right after the wood post falls to the floor he yells "fixed the newel post" and has an insane look on his face? That is the look I am wearing now. I will more than likely have this look until next week sometime when things are back to normal. Dwarfs at school and Prince Charming at work. Normal. And quiet. At least for a long enough part of the day that I can breath without someone asking me why I am not breathing for them. If you have children you fully understand that statement. I gave my mother a little bird-like sort of plaque on year for some holiday or birthday I don't remember, and it says "having children is like being pecked to death by chickens". I must agree with that saying today. I do love them all dearly and I enjoy being with them, however, the week following Christmas is horrible. No one wants to share with each other, they don't want to play alone either. Yesterday one wanted to sing and one thought she would kill her sister for breathing too loundly much less singing, the horror!! Add to all the joy the husband who decides that now would be a great time to restructure finances and stay home from work for a few days. That nearly cost him his life. And I say that with all the love in the world...

On a plus, the kids had a great Christmas, all enjoyed their gifts, always a worry of mine, and my bathroom is DONE!!!!! No more sharing 1 amongst the 9 of us!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

One day I may post again, if I can remember how to sign in without the help of Jules and if I live through this joyous holiday!