Some people call them sweats, others jogging or exercise clothes, my brother Bean calls them quitters. Whatever you call them, that's what I wore to Victorias Secret on day a few weeks ago. I stay home with kids, comfort is the most important thing for me. We, my fam and I, decided to draw names for Christmas this year. I got my sister Diva. This past spring Diva was in a near deadly car accident and the paramedics cut her panties off of her. (Also the rest of her clothes, not just the panties.) I remembered her saying how she loved that pair and so I hatched this plan to go to the mall, mostly uncharted territory for me, and get her panties, at Victoria's Secret, VERY uncharted territory for me.
It was snowing the day Tiny, Man Child, and Grumpy went to the mall with me. They were all so happy to be there. Upon finding V.S. I took a deep breath and pushed the cadillac of double strollers with a 4 year old hanging on the side into the pink frilly depths. I don't think we had brushed Grumpy's hair that day and she was in rare form. A make up wearing, perfumed, and shall we say, a little well-dressed for my taste, woman came up and asked if she could help me. I give this woman credit, she didn't ask if she could help me find the store that might have big fat chick granny panties, she restrained herself. I feel like everyone in the store is looking at me as I spit out something about needing the panties Fergie wore in her video. They are all staring at me but not because of that, baby boy has taken off his shoes and socks and thrown them while I was talking. This kind woman looks confused and says she doesn't know what those are, but she is just over perfume, lotion and gift sets. She sends me to their "panty girl". Panty Girl is actually really nice and directs me to the panties. She shows me tons of them. I am not enjoying this much partly because I am not a panty sort of girl and also because Baby Boy is throwing his shoes repeatedly and Grumpy is tired of getting them for him. After what seems to be an eternity I find 3 pairs, there was a special, and a cute bag, I get in line. It is about 15 miles long. They put all this cute pink tissue in that bag, and as she carefully is folding the tiny scraps of cloth Diva will love, the cashier says, "I love this panty, it is so comfy" . Had I been thinking I might have asked why she was trying on my sisters future panties but I wasn't feeling very quick right then. Also it might have confused her. The four of us left V.S. with very little dignity and went off to Penneys to get Prince Charming underwear. That was much easier. I guess lots of middle aged fatties buy their husbands underwear at Penneys, no one asked if I needed help anyway.
We'll leave it at this, I an not a foo-foo sort of girl. And that's okay. Diva is exactly what her name implies and she loved the panties!
