A Victoria's Secret Model I am Not

Some people call them sweats, others jogging or exercise clothes, my brother Bean calls them quitters. Whatever you call them, that's what I wore to Victorias Secret on day a few weeks ago. I stay home with kids, comfort is the most important thing for me. We, my fam and I, decided to draw names for Christmas this year. I got my sister Diva. This past spring Diva was in a near deadly car accident and the paramedics cut her panties off of her. (Also the rest of her clothes, not just the panties.) I remembered her saying how she loved that pair and so I hatched this plan to go to the mall, mostly uncharted territory for me, and get her panties, at Victoria's Secret, VERY uncharted territory for me.

It was snowing the day Tiny, Man Child, and Grumpy went to the mall with me. They were all so happy to be there. Upon finding V.S. I took a deep breath and pushed the cadillac of double strollers with a 4 year old hanging on the side into the pink frilly depths. I don't think we had brushed Grumpy's hair that day and she was in rare form. A make up wearing, perfumed, and shall we say, a little well-dressed for my taste, woman came up and asked if she could help me. I give this woman credit, she didn't ask if she could help me find the store that might have big fat chick granny panties, she restrained herself. I feel like everyone in the store is looking at me as I spit out something about needing the panties Fergie wore in her video. They are all staring at me but not because of that, baby boy has taken off his shoes and socks and thrown them while I was talking. This kind woman looks confused and says she doesn't know what those are, but she is just over perfume, lotion and gift sets. She sends me to their "panty girl". Panty Girl is actually really nice and directs me to the panties. She shows me tons of them. I am not enjoying this much partly because I am not a panty sort of girl and also because Baby Boy is throwing his shoes repeatedly and Grumpy is tired of getting them for him. After what seems to be an eternity I find 3 pairs, there was a special, and a cute bag, I get in line. It is about 15 miles long. They put all this cute pink tissue in that bag, and as she carefully is folding the tiny scraps of cloth Diva will love, the cashier says, "I love this panty, it is so comfy" . Had I been thinking I might have asked why she was trying on my sisters future panties but I wasn't feeling very quick right then. Also it might have confused her. The four of us left V.S. with very little dignity and went off to Penneys to get Prince Charming underwear. That was much easier. I guess lots of middle aged fatties buy their husbands underwear at Penneys, no one asked if I needed help anyway.

We'll leave it at this, I an not a foo-foo sort of girl. And that's okay. Diva is exactly what her name implies and she loved the panties!

None

Today should prove to be a fun day, the kids and I are going to the planetarium with my mom, sister and nephews, and Prince not-so-Charming is working all day. Does this mean the complaining won't really get started til midnight? Probably.
At the moment, 2 kids are sleeping, 1 is tubbing, one stinks and 1 needs feeding. I guess I better get busy so I don't fail everyone all day, I can at least fix the stinking and hungry.

Christmas Vacation??? For WHO????

Have any of you seen the movie Christmas Vacation? I am going to assume that most everyone has. Remember the part where Clark, (Chevy Chase), gets his chainsaw in order to cut down the tree in their yard because his tree was burned down while in his living room? And as he is walking down the stairs he wiggles the newel post, takes out his chainsaw and saws it off? In that moment, right after the wood post falls to the floor he yells "fixed the newel post" and has an insane look on his face? That is the look I am wearing now. I will more than likely have this look until next week sometime when things are back to normal. Dwarfs at school and Prince Charming at work. Normal. And quiet. At least for a long enough part of the day that I can breath without someone asking me why I am not breathing for them. If you have children you fully understand that statement. I gave my mother a little bird-like sort of plaque on year for some holiday or birthday I don't remember, and it says "having children is like being pecked to death by chickens". I must agree with that saying today. I do love them all dearly and I enjoy being with them, however, the week following Christmas is horrible. No one wants to share with each other, they don't want to play alone either. Yesterday one wanted to sing and one thought she would kill her sister for breathing too loundly much less singing, the horror!! Add to all the joy the husband who decides that now would be a great time to restructure finances and stay home from work for a few days. That nearly cost him his life. And I say that with all the love in the world...

On a plus, the kids had a great Christmas, all enjoyed their gifts, always a worry of mine, and my bathroom is DONE!!!!! No more sharing 1 amongst the 9 of us!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

One day I may post again, if I can remember how to sign in without the help of Jules and if I live through this joyous holiday!

The Spider

A long time ago, when I was pregnant with #2, my brother lived with me. One night(?) I called him to come kill this HUGE spider that was on my ceiling. I described it to him in great detail, color, 5 million legs, etc. and he turned the light on to show me there was no spider. I think it may have run away because I am sure it was there. Today said brother called me from the state he lives in. He asked what was up and I said the ceiling, and then I looked up and there was a giant spider on the ceiling! I was horrified. I hate spiders, they make me feel creepy all day. I told brother I would call him back and called my neighbor Jules to see if she wasn't doing anything, maybe she would like to come over for a party, a spider killing party. As luck would have it, Jules was available and took care of the giant thing in just a minute. Lets all think happy thoughts for Jules today. Jules, the great spider killer of the north!

Dwarf 2 needs a name...

I realized this morning that Dwarf 2 still has no name. Anyone who knows us, send in your name thoughts.

Who REALLY Needs A Bathroom Anyway?

My husband took Monday off work. He had a forced holiday on Tuesday. I still don't have a bathroom. I broke down today and bought 2 over the door towel holders for the ONE bathroom we are all sharing. I feel like I am slowly accepting that we will never have the bathroom done. I am giving up. I will never have privacy again. Until I am in my early 60's, and who cares then? I plan to roam the neighborhood dressed in my housecoat and slippers, maybe, and to heck with what the neighbors think. I also think I might mumble to myself a bit too loud as well. Things like, if only we'd had more than the one bathroom I might not be mumbling. As it is I am babbling now. And only because I haven't posted anything in such a long time.

On a fun note, I am painting my family room. It is now bungalow gold instead of crap taupe. I really like it. I am actually sitting here waiting for the paint to dry. It needs another coat. I ought to go check it because the sooner it is painted the sooner I can get the laundry done, and the dishes, and the vacuuming, and the kids to be, OH GLORIOUS TIME OF NIGHT, (that was to be sung out LOUD) the kids in bed.

On the lovely thought of sleeping children, who are SO cute, I am going to go check the paint.

My Top 10 Things To Hate (because dislike really isn't strong enough) About Halloween

1. Teens who announce they are too old to dress up and trick-or-treat at the beginning of the month and then change their minds late the night of the 30th.

2. Face Paint.

3. I'm going to be a dog, no a princess, No a dog, NO I MEAN I WANT TO BE A CAT. I TOLD YOU THAT ALLREADY!!! (some of you may recognize the demon dwarf here.)

4. Face Paint. On small children, their clothes, my floor. Check out Jules's page, she does a great job with face paint...

5. My house is a mess of costumes and candy for days before and days after.

6. I am crappy at applying Face Paint.

7. People who think scaring little kids is funny. I want to take their names and call them at 3 AM and let them calm my hysterical children.

8. Dressing kids at 7 AM because they have to have their faces painted for school.

9. School parades and parties, I am never on time and I am usually in charge, and always someone sends their on the verge of death child to cough on my baby, because they LOVE babies!

10. Getting older each year.

Nunya

So last night I was on the phone with someone who shall remain nameless, and they were quite objectionable to my choosing to not be surgically sterilized. I know how many kids I have, I know how much they cost and I am acutely aware that I am not doing what some might think is the best for the kids I have by having more than a couple. But I am doing the best I can and am trying every day to make sure they are all healthy, fed, dressed, and know they are loved. We may have our problems but all in all I think we are doing fine. And if I want to have 20 kids, or even 30 kids, I think it is MY business and no one elses. I have enough to cry about without help feeling like a failure. Have a great day!

The Really Not Great Day

Today was a fun day. I started out so tired I couldn't stay awake. Prince Charming kept talking to me waking me up and making me REALLY mad. Then I thought Sam's Club opened up at 9:30 but it was 10 so I wasted time sitting in their parking lot for 30 minutes. I did finish a book and fed Tiny so it wasn't a total waste. Then I came home and learned how to make a cute blanket that a friend made for another friends baby shower. The only sad part about this is that my house was a HUGE mess. I did enjoy time with my friend getting to know her a little better. Then I took a project to the Jr. High, the wind blew it around though and it was all tangled, just another little bright spot. Then I drove all the way to JoAnns so I could see if they have their stocking patterns in yet, I have done a counted cross-stitch stocking for each child and I don't have one for Lone Ranger or Tiny yet. And I have to LOVE the pattern because it usually takes a year of working on them. After getting there I remember that I left my purse at the house. I drive back home and go in to get my purse, I can't find it, I wonder if PC has hidden it from me so I won't spend money, and then I find it, in the car. I don't have time to go back before getting dwarf 2 from school, I am picking her up because she needs maxi pads and I always get the wrong ones. We get home and the phone rings and it is Moody letting me know she has diarrhea and she thinks she has leaked through her pants. I go to the elementary, it is always a fun zoo there. I come home and ask everyone to do their chores, then I tell them, then I yell and finally, I shriek. They sort of start moving. But only because I promise to take them to the pumpkin patch if they get done soon. Then I find that we are out of garbage bags, I go to the store to get some. I am gone 20 minutes. I get home to all my kids but Moody running out to the car, they are screaming. In itself this is not abnormal. Today it is what they are all fighting to get out of their mouths first that is horrifying, Moody called 911. 911. My house is a mess, I haven't showered since Sunday morning, I am tired, so tired, and all my fighting kids are about to be introducing themselves to the happy officer who is coming over shortly. I call to let them know we are fine and don't need them, they say okay but I know I only bought myself an extra 15 minutes til they get here. After Officer Blue Eyes see's that we are fine, the kids start telling me their version of what went on, and basically Moody didn't think 911 worked with several other numbers dialed after the 9 1 1. It does. She hangs up on them, so they call back. She tells them she and I live here alone, she doesn't know her address or where the mail is kept so she can tell them her address, oh and she tells them she is 7, you all know she isn't. Lets just say the night didn't go well.
I showered finally, and I shaved my legs even though I was waiting for the tub to be usable, I looked like a man, seriously it has been about 5 weeks. It was not pretty, tomorrow I'll get some Drano for the hair clog.
It's 11:36 as I type and I still have 1 child in my bed. So I am going to move it and then sit in bed watching TV and eating the pixie stix I got for Halloween!

And one last note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULES!!!

Night night.

4, I love that number

The photo tag where you open your picture folder and open the 4th folder. Find the 4th picture and post it for all to see. Then tag 4 more people.

This is my cute nephew the day he was born.

Kellys Tag

My friend Kelly was kind enough to remind me that I had yet to respond to her tag earlier this week, so here goes.

I am........a person, sometimes.
I want........to figure out what I am doing.
I have........a lot of things left to do.
I wish........I knew what the future held.
I dislike........getting older, it isn't as much fun as I thought it would be when I was younger, I don't EVER get to do what I want.
I fear........my family dying.
I hear........my daughter talking and the PBS show with the talking dog, no clue what the name is.
I search........for my shoes, everyday.
I wonder........if I will ever feel like I have accomplished what I was sent her to accomplish. Because sometimes it is so hard to know.
I always........wash my hands after using the bathroom.
I usually........am still tired when I get up in the morning.
I am not........skinny anymore.
I dance........when no one can see me except my kids.
I sing........all the time.
I never........eat raisins.
I rarely........lie. What's the point.
I cry.......all the time.
I am not always........on time.
I lose........my mind daily.
I am confused........about why teenagers do what they do and think that their parents don't understand anything, or know when they are lying.
I need........to have more faith.
I should........shower.
I dream........about changing the things that are wrong in my life, finding the courage to do those things, and having the time.

Okay, I am tagging the usual, Amanda, Jules, and Allyson, because other than Kelly, who sent this to me, I don't know anyone else.

QUIRKS

I have been tagged!



RULES:



Link the person who tagged you

Mention rules on your blog

Tell about 6 of your quirks

Tag six fellow bloggers to do the same

Leave a comment to let them know



I am not sure I know how to link to someone. http://www.littlelukers.blogspot.com/ I did it!! Okay I had a little help from Amanda.



I don't believe I have any quirks. I believe that the rest of of the people in the world are far too relaxed. That being said, I will try to come up with 6 of my best qualities for your reading enjoyment, and possible emulation.



1. Pears are supposed to be pink and green when bottled. I find this to be normal but it was just pointed out to me that it isn't. I assume the rest of you eat your pears white I just can't comment on that because it would be considered rude. I will tell you that I have never had a white pear because when my grandma was pregnant with my uncle she was bottling pears and their whiteness didn't look appealing to her and she started adding coloring to them. I think white pears look somewhat like pear shaped blobs of shortening or, oh I don't know, lard.



2. I like to sleep closest to the exit of a room. I like to face that exit. This way I can see who is coming in and I can get out fastest in the event of a fire or break in. Or both. Also I can get the the kids faster when they are screaming, crying, coughing, vomiting, etc.



3. I make sure my kids are not dead several times in the night. I have been known to wake them up before just to make sure because they weren't breathing loudly enough. His Royal Highness mocks me for this but I think the 7 living kids are proof positive that I am doing something right. Besides, I know I am not the only one out there that does this.



4. I have a problem with meat. Veins in chicken, fat, bits that are definitely not meat in hamburger. I try to avoid hamburger MEAT myself but I do make it because my kids do not share the sentiments with me. I don't think fat or veins need to be elaborated on. I also do not think fruit and meat go together, not fruit sauce on the steaks, orange on ham, none of it. This being said, I like my steaks to be seared on the outside and bloody just under the searing. As P.C. says, mooing.



5. I drink soda for breakfast. It's a great habit and I suggest you all take it up. Doesn't matter what flavor you choose, diet Pepsi is great for a normal day and I would recommend Dr. Pepper for the days when you have more planned or a large amount of stress. I like to think of the soda as my whiskey for the day since whiskey is a bad way to start things out. (disclaimer: I do not consume alcohol as much I might like to somedays.)



6. This one is a toss up. I would share with you that dead people don't bother me. Bodies are just that, bodies and cannot hurt you. HOWEVER, I have many friends who would vote for me to talk about my inability to do anything without counting. I love to count. I count steps, every one of them, I count swallows of food and drink. I count deodorant swipes. A couple days ago I bought some fabric and counted the times the lady cutting it flipped the bolt over to remove the fabric and the times her scissors opened and closed while cutting it. I refrained from telling her she should make one more cut into thin air in order to get to the right number. The right number can change on any given day but is almost never odd.

Okay, that is it. I hope you all find this list to be helpful to you in your daily lives. I have only 4 friends I could tag and one tagged me, do I tag her again and let her try to come up with 6 more of her own quirks or just tag three and be half a failure rather than a third of a failure? Lets tag her and see where she goes with it.

I TAG:

Amanda
Allyson
Jules
Kelly

Good luck folks. Have a great day, I am off to the car!!! GO ERRANDS!!!!!!

NPS

I went to NPS yesterday. For those of you unfamiliar with NPS, it is like a huge yard sale. Sometimes you can find fabulous deals and sometimes you find nothing and wonder why you spent the time and gas to go. I haven't been for a really long time but I wanted to find some cute Halloween decorations for cheap. As I typed that word, cheap, I realized that with only 10 or so posts I have expressed my cheapness more than once, that's a little embarrassing. As usual when I shop with The Dwarf Formerly Known as Grumpy and now, appearing for this one time only performance as Devil Spawn Dwarf, I want to leave the store and throw myself under the nearest moving wheels. Yesterday she wanted beef jerky. Her sister Dwarfs got beef jerky for their emergency kits for school and I told her we would get some for her the next day. NPS is not somewhere I would normally purchase beef jerky. She started making noise within the first 5 minutes. She needed beef jerky, I PROMISED beef jerky. She began her chant, "why can't you just listen to me? Why can't I have beef jerky? Why can't I have beef jerky...." You get the idea, imagine the chanting sounding something like a drug addict who has been deprived of their drug of choice for long enough that they are just in auto mode chanting their need over and over. This is what I took to the store, a beef jerky addict. I finally found beef jerky for her and handed it to her asking if she could possibly be quiet now, she said yes, but that was a lie.

The Lone Ranger began throwing his binky a few minutes after the jerky fiend was silenced. After the first couple times Devil Spawn picked up the binky she began taunting him with it. He began to scream. It all went downhill from there.

Before it got horrible I made a beeline for the checkout only to find out that the mechanical pencils I was hoping were way cheap were actually 99 cents for three pencils and a lead and eraser refill. I couldn't buy them, I had found ten packs for 25 cents not too long ago, 99 cents was about 89 cents too much for me. As I told the cashier no I didn't want them, I noticed the pencils had names on them, you know like Sandra or Karen, names no kids have these days, and then I saw them, the package with MY name on them!!!

Of course I bought them. My own pencils with my very own name on them. No little dwarfs to steal them. I walked to the car on a cloud. I buckled in Tiny, The Lone Ranger and Devil Spawn, fed them some candy, and drove home with my pencils, my very own pencils.

What a GREAT morning!!! What a beautiful day!!! I should take Grumpy, Tiny and Lone Ranger shopping again!!

Friends

This weekend is General Conference. I love General Conference. I love to listen to the talks in my nightgown, usually still in my bed. All the kids are much better behaved than they are on a normal Sunday and they usually sit and listen with me. Tonight Prince Charming is at the Priesthood session with my dear friends husband and my father. Prince Charming has never gone to the Priesthood session before. I have no words to describe how thankful I am for a friend who cares for me enough to make sure my husband is where he needs to be tonight. I hope P.C. is enjoying himself and listening to the words of our Prophet and filling his spirit with the truths being taught. I hope this is what's happening. So my grateful moment will be for my friend. I have some really great friends. Thank you for all you do to lift me up when I feel like I might not make it another day.

The B.J.W.C.

In our neighborhood we have ALOT of Jehovah's Witnesses that stop by. My neighbor Jules is the only person I know who talks to them. I mean she really talks to them. And it isn't like she is looking to find a religion, she is perfectly happy with the one she has, she just really likes these people. A couple weeks ago they came by and she told them that she was never going to join their church, but that she really enjoyed visiting with them. As I recall her dad said she was leading them on and her husband didn't seem to get why she would want to invite them for dinner. I don't get it either. I hardly ever answer the door for them. They ring and ring, and knock and ring some more, but I don't want to be sucked into a discussion on religion with strangers and so I usually ignore it. The one time I did answer for them they asked if it was a bad time, I was clad in a nightgown and holding my newborn, trying to keep my toddler from escaping. I wanted to ask if they thought it was a bad time and also did they by any chance notice the No Soliciting sign posted clearly in the window. I was polite though and said that it was a bad time and tried to shut the door before they got their little magazine through but no such luck. I threw it away for them.
Anyway, Jules really likes them and they came to see her again today. Maybe they think there's hope even though she told them there wasn't, maybe they want a dinner invitation. I wonder if they would like her as much if she started calling them The Black Jehovah's Witness Chick?

For Kelly, and anyone else who wants to try it.

Sorry this took so long.

1 3/4 cups water
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup butter or margarine (which is 1 small molecule from plastic)
1 egg
6 3/4 cups flour
1/4 cup powdered milk, optional
1 1/2 teaspoons yeast
2 cups wheat berries blended with 1 cup water

Combine water, sugar, salt, butter,egg, 1 cup flour and wheat berry paste. In another bowl whisk together powdered milk, yeast and 2 cups flour. Add to liquid ingredients and mix until smooth.
Place bowl on a rack over a bowl of boiling water and cover with a clean towel. Let it stand for about 20 minutes or until batter is slightly bubbly.
Stir down batter. Add almost all the flour and mix well. Pour last bit of flour onto clean surface. Turn out dough and knead about 5-6 minutes adding just enough flour to keep the dough from being too sticky. Dough should be soft and elastic.
Cut dough in half and shape into loaves. Cover and let raise in sprayed pans until tops of dough rise above the edge of the pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes until the bread is lightly golden brown.
Cool in pans for 15 minutes on a wire rack. Turn the loaves out and cool completely.


TO MAKE WHEAT BERRIES

1 cup wheat and 3 cups water and a pinch of salt. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cover. Let cook 30-60 minutes or until most of the water is absorbed.

OR

1 part wheat, 3 parts water and slat in a slow cooker. Cook 5-6 hours on low.

Church

Today was our Wards Primary program. I am not a fan of the Primary program for a couple reasons. I fail to see the point. I know the kids have fun, some of them, and that they learn new songs, and they get a chance to show off, I mean, practice speaking in front of the congregation, again, some of them. Today Moody had a 1 minute talk on Heavenly Father loving us. She did fine. Grumpy didn't want to go up at all and so she was on the verge of tears the whole time. Quirky sat for a while with her class but then halfway through her teachers husband came and sat by me and wanted me to know that Quirky was sad. She was crying in fact. After a weird pantomime series of trying to solve the problem from the stand to the overflow where I was sitting with The Lone Ranger and Tiny, I motioned for her to come to me. She was crying and said she "needed me". Then Moody brought Grumpy to me, she too was crying and once she saw Quirky leave the program figured she might as well too. Moody then went back up to the stand. During this time I was trying to entertain The Lone Ranger with a color Wonder book and fruit snacks. This lasted about 5 minutes. He thought it was funny to put the marker lids on his fingers and then even funnier when he found that a flick of his wrist would send them flying. I mentioned we were in the overflow area where the floors are wood? Every time one of the lids left his fingers it seemed to make a horrendous noise. Then he began to make a horrendous noise. For a boy he sure does scream like a girl!! All in all, my kids did not sing, they did not speak, with the one exception, and they were they only kids making trips back and forth from the stand. I love getting ready for church, thinking we are doing well, and then trying hard not to scream obsenitites at them. The one I haven't introduced yet is Nameless dwarf. She goes by many, many, many names. She is whiny yet helpful, responsible yet off in the clouds. I have no all encompassing name for her. She tried to be helpful but mostly just roamed about the overflow area chasing down marker lids and what not and then GIVING THEM BACK TO THE BOY!! When I took the boy out for the first of many trips out, she sent Quirky and Grumpy out to get me to see if she should pick up Tiny who was "screaming". I could not hear her screaming, I think Nameless just wanted to hold her for something to do. Lets just say Relief Society and Sunday School were FANTASTIC!!!! And needed.

I have a good friend who regularly writes a list of thinks she is grateful for at the end of her posts, I thought I might try it but today is not the day. Grumpy is screeching at Nameless that she hates her, Quirky is supposed to be getting hangers for the laundry that isn't actually being done and I am just sitting here thinking that I should be watching them better, I should be helping with the laundry and I should care that The Lone Ranger is eating a chapstick. I know I have many things for which I should be grateful and should express gratitude for. Today was a struggle. WAIT!! I have it! I am grateful that we were able to go to church today. Because this is America. And because it is America we have freedoms to go and worship as we please and where we please. And since we made it this week to exercise our religious freedoms, we can have our other freedoms back that we lost when we didn't go last week. In other words, we are no longer grounded from the tv, phone, and computer. Thanks to my mom for the freedom speech all those years.

Have a good Sunday All, I am going to go lay down and try to find my happy place.

Cleaning in the House of Mess Makers

So I am sitting here thinking of all the things I should be doing. I originally came upstairs to use the bathroom but sat down instead and looked at the pampered chef outlet page and then Jules page, and here I sit. My dear Moody is outside digging in what is left of my garden with The Lone Ranger. I know that he likes to dig and so does she and they are out of the house and quiet but they are digging in DIRT. I am trying to clean and they are going to come in filthy and get dirt everywhere. This is why I hate cleaning. I have what feels like 50 people following behind me messing it up. And not just leaving a little clutter, they somehow manage to make things so messy that Prince Charming thinks I sit and do nothing all day other than spend us into the poorhouse. So far all I have done is clean the oven. I wanted to get the entire kitchen done, drawers wiped out, cupboards cleared of all the crap that doesn't belong in them. I have cleaned the oven. And I only did that because every time I turn the thing on P.C. hollers down from his throne, the computer chair not the potty, "what's on fire?" No one else notices a fire like stench. Of course no one else here can smell bacteria.... I am going to be in SO much trouble if he reads this. He probably won't though due to his overwhelming aversion to blogs.

Jules and I were talking a couple days ago about the names of the dwarfs and how so many of them could be called Grumpy. We finally came up with this for the eldest, Ultimate Fighting Dwarf, or UFD. Those of you who have met said dwarf are just getting back on your chairs after laughing yourselves right off of them. The name totally fits her. If she is awake she is arguing with someone, if you are within her reach and she is in the right mmod, she will start a physical battle. And she will NEVER give up. I suppose this might be a good quality in life, the never giving up, but in a family it SUCKS!!!!!

I better stop rambling now and get busy, so many messes, so little time, and so many mess makers....

Morning

I don't know how I thought I had time for this. My dwarfs won't let me be for 2 minutes. At the moment Grumpy is laying under the chair so that if I move I will pull her hair, I think that is part of her plan, she is also crying because she wants me to get her shoes RIGHT NOW, The Lone Ranger is screaming like a little girl at Grumpy, and let me introduce you to Quirky Dwarf. She is my child who definitely marches to the beat of her own drummer. She spends each morning trying her best to convince me that the toga is in style and she should wear only a towel all day. She walks through the snow barefoot and puts together crazy outfits and thinks they are cute. She also has an aversion to brushing her hair. She is on my bed waiting for me to scream at her to put her clothes on so she doesn't make Moody late for school. Moody is almost 12, I think that explains it.

I made my bed last night at 11 with nice clean sheets. I turned the mattress and put fresh pillowcases on all the pillows. The Lone Ranger has just eaten one side of his Popsicle and left the other side to fall apart and melt all over my side of my fresh new sheet. The really sad part is that I don't care enough to wash the sheets again right now. I might just sleep in Popsicle. That my friends is what absolute sleep deprivation will do to you.

I better get up from this chair now and start the morning yell-fest. Otherwise I will sit and ramble the morning play by play to anyone who will read it and they will all be late for school, and it's a preschool day and I LOVE my 2 hours without Grumpy. I mean, Grumpy LOVES preschool.

Have a good day all. I will be finishing the pears and moving to pickles so I know I will have a day filled with glee, and bandages. I will try to post the bread recipe later Kelly.

I Should Have Skipped The Cheese

And so I got the Prince out the door with a smallish size "discussion" on the dangers lurking in cyberspace waiting for me. And I got the middle two dwarfs out the door, the older ones got themselves out earlier, and I set off to our local over-priced with a really good sale grocery store. I should note that I can't actually afford to buy groceries anymore due to our bathroom floor that turned into a remodel project. I went anyway. I think the Gods were against me though because as soon as I set foot in the store with Grumpy, Tiny and The Lone Ranger, Grumpy began to have issues. Like she didn't want to be IN the cart with her brother, who was happily honking the horn in the whale cart. She wanted to walk. I had a whale cart, about the size of a whale and just as easy to turn, and a regular cart because I had 3 small dwarfs with me and needed a place for the groceries. I needed her in the cart. I told her to get in with her brother, and she did, with the promise of a treat IF she behaved. And she behaved. For all of 5 minutes. If that. We were in the front where they had the really good sale, I had to count to make sure I had enough items to get the extra amount off my total, when she started to complain. When we got to the baby aisle to get food for Tiny she was crying about how she just wants to walk. There was a lovely lady on the baby aisle, she had her nice quiet troll with her, they were pretty much taking up the whole aisle. As we maneuvered through the aisle and out toward the meat, to see if they had any good chicken sales, and they didn't, she wailed louder that she just wants to walk. We got to the cereal aisle, also on sale for cheap, and she got out. This was the beginning of the end. She wasn't getting back in because she didn't like the cart, and she also wanted some fruit snacks and the cereal that wasn't on our list. So she sat ON the cart. In the front, so that if I were to stop fast she would fly off, or if she were to jump off I would run her over. My dwarfs pretty regularly jump off of, out of, or in front of carts at the store and then wail the rest of the way through that they are either dying or that I hate them and ran them down on purpose. I stopped the cart and told her we would wait until she was in the cart to continue. When she got back in I thought "wow, that was easier than normal" and that is because she decided if I wouldn't let her walk voluntarily then she would force me into letting her by being mean to her brother. We were ready to leave when I remembered the cheese. I couldn't leave without some cheap cheese. So I again get rolling down the aisles with my whale and my really full cart, and get some cheese, aisle blocker lady and troll were there also, they weren't getting cheese, they were also on the cereal aisle, I think she was following us. At this point Grumpy was mad because I told her to leave The Lone Ranger alone and I told her she was not getting a treat, and so she began to scream at me that she wanted a treat and she would behave and why aren't you listening to me. She screamed the same thing over and over for what seemed like forever. It took about 15 minutes to check out, and the blocker/troll people were behind us. I told Grumpy no every so often when she would come up for air mid-scream and then blocker woman says, "don't give in, then she'll be like this at 12". I said I know, but I wanted to kill her and her little troll. When we were finally done I took Grumpy, screaming, and The Lone Ranger and Tiny out to the car, along the way a bag broke and a couple cans fell out and I had to get them while holding onto the whale, the cart, and Grumpy. It was FUN!! I got everyone in the car, all the groceries, and then looked over my receipt. I should have done that before leaving the store because 6 of the cheeses had not rung up at the sale price. Now the dilemma, do I take them all out of their seats, screaming still, and get my money back? Do I run in and leave them in the car? Can't do that. Or should I suck it up as a loss and go home? I decide, somewhat foolishly, to take them all back into the store and get my money back. It was almost 18 dollars and I am glad I took it back in. I told the lady there that all the varieties were marked the sale price and she said she would go check but I stopped her and let her know I just would have the money back and leave with the screaming fiend.
Grumpy screamed all the way home because she didn't get a treat during the second trip into the store either and then she wanted the radio turned down, it was up so I wouldn't be able to hear her quite so well. When the cell rang I was tempted to not bother answering because I wasn't ready to turn the radio down but I did and guess what? It was the lady calling to schedule my tubal ligation. If I had any doubts they were gone right out the window at that point. I scheduled with her, put Grumpy screaming into her room, made a bottle for Tiny and The Lone Ranger and I sat down to watch Nick Jr. with a package of oreo's and a diet pepsi. The moral of this rambling is that even if the cheese is free you should get out before the screaming begins.
THE END

Prince Charming? OR The Frog... You Decide

Last night I told Prince Charming that I had started a blog, he thinks I am nuts. Like it's the first time? He took the rest of the bathroom apart last night. It required taking out some of the walls. I took some pictures but I don't know how to put them on the computer so I have to wait for P.C. to put them on before sharing my joy with you all. Today he is replacing the sub floor. I have to finish this later, I am being told about the unlimited dangers of having a blog.

What's left of my bathroom OR I wish I was with Martha

I was going to post a picture of our recently destroyed bathroom but I got too busy with the feeding, laundering, cleaning, screaming, I mean, kind gentle reminding, that is my life and now it isn't nearly the mess that I wanted to share. It is a shell of a room with a toilet in it. It also still has the tub but I am told that is leaving on Thursday. Oh YAY!!

It is the most fun having 1 bathroom for all of us to share. Especially since that bathroom is accessed only by walking through MY bedroom. And it only has a shower. And I really like the transformation the hall has gone through, it is so much easier to find things now that they are in clear totes linging the hallway. Yesterday the lone boy carted around a box of feminine hygiene products through the house. He got really irritated when I took it from him. If only he knew that later in life he would die before touching them, (at least until his wife forces him to get them on the way home from work or face certain death upon arrival). Anyway, I am babbling and I should be getting kids out the door for school. They don't seem to move unless I am working on my drill seargent routine right behind them, why is that? Does anyone else have this problem? Does anyone know how to fix it? I am sure Martha could fix all my woes in just 1 hour with 4 commercial breaks. I wish she was here, or I was wherever she is.

1st Post!

So here it is, the long awaited first post! You can see from the title that I don't have much time so it might be the only post for a long, LONG time.